No Matter What
by markaleen
Summary: Rocky IV - When Rocky leaves for Russia, Adrian is left to choose between fear or support of her husband.
1. Goodbye

Adrian sat in the library curled up in her favorite chair by the fireplace. The library was her room. Rocky had his gym, and Robert had his playroom. No one was barred from visiting the other rooms, of course. The others just didn't happen by often. Right now, Adrian was glad of this. Today Rocky would board a plane for Russia. Even though it'd been a couple of days since she heard about the fight thanks to the mob of reporters surrounding the house, the thought still made her feel as sick now as it did then.

Aside from her wish for Rocky to stay home, what she wanted more than anything was a nap. To her dismay, he was in their bedroom packing. She'd barely spoken to him since their argument a couple nights back. What almost bothered her more than the possibility of his death was the fact he never came to her. Not before, and not after she'd heard it from the media first. She went to him when she heard the car pull into the driveway. He wasn't interested in what she had to say about the matter. It'd happened before with other fights, but now the stakes were higher. Ivan Drago killed Apollo… why not Rocky as well? Sure, Rocky might have a few more rounds in him than Apollo. Rocky was in better shape and had more time to train, but would it matter in the end?

Adrian buried her face into the nearest pillow and let herself cry. As if fighting weren't bad enough, she also had to worry about Rocky going to this country where tensions were high with America. She knew, no matter what she felt, she should be spending every possible moment with him until he took off. Alas, here she was hiding, feeling intimidated. Since the night they shared words on the over the stairwell, whenever she was near him she lost her voice. He talked and she sat staring into space, only looking at him when he said her name so many times in a row.

Last night he kissed her, something she rarely avoided even in a bad mood. She didn't kiss back at first. Soon though, emotion overtook stubbornness and she fell asleep clinging to her husband. So much of her wanted to go to him and give her blessing. If he were to die, did she want this avoidance to be her last memory of him? At the same time, she needed to put her foot down. The only reason he was fighting Drago was in attempts to get back at him for Apollo's death. How, she wasn't quite sure. When Mickey died, Rocky went through a similar, yet, also the opposite response. He lost his will to fight, beginning to lose himself along the way. This time it seemed as though fighting was his only answer. He stood before her and admitted his willingness to die to prove something. Adrian still wasn't clear on what that something was. Was it for himself? For his country? For justice? No matter which, Adrian knew there had to be another way.

Her head lifted from the pillow upon hearing Rocky calling her name from down the hall. She sat still at first. Talking to him now would further complicate her feelings. But, if anything happened to him, she'd regret not having said goodbye for the rest of her life.

"Adrian?" Rocky called again, this time closer to the library door.

"Thought you might be in here," Rocky said when he saw Adrian peer her head around the corner several seconds later. "I just came to say goodbye."

Adrian tipped her head but said nothing.

"Look, Adrian," he said, taking her hands. "I don't mean to upset you or nothin' by leaving. This is somethin' I gotta do. I know you don't understand, but can you at least trust me?"

Again, Adrian didn't say anything. Why bother, she figured. He wasn't going to hear any arguments.

Rocky sighed. "I ain't hear you say this little since you was working in the pet shop and I tried telling you that old knock-knock joke about the orange and the banana."

Adrian had to smile at the memory. She hoped to keep it hidden by letting the ends of her hair fall in front of her face.

"Am I allowed to hug you goodbye?"

Now was the first time she looked up. The first thing she noticed were the dark circles under his eyes. While she still didn't speak, she lifted her hand from his and moved it to his shoulder. Here was Rocky's turn to smile, though, it was laced with sadness. Wrapping his arms around her waist, he pulled her close and kissed her forehead.

"You know I love you. You and the kid."

"We love you, too," she finally said in a whisper.

"You have no idea how glad I am to hear you say that."

Adrian nodded as her arms wound around her neck.

A couple minutes went by. Glancing at the clock on the wall, Rocky loosened his hold on her and took half a step back. With one hand, he reached into his back pocket and pulled out an old business card from the dentist's office. On the back, he had scribbled out an address. Handing it to Adrian, he said, "Here's where I'm gonna be staying. They ain't got a phone there. Maybe you can write or somethin'. I dunno how their mail system works."

"So, this is it? This is what you want?" Sudden anger made speaking an easier task. "Complete isolation… that's the answer?"

"Come on, Adrian. Let's not do this now."

"When then? Time is up."

"I don't wanna have to leave like this. Why do you have to make me feel so bad about going?"

"I'm not trying to make you feel bad, Rocky. I'm trying to talk some sense into you."

"I don't need your sense. I need your support. You think I'm lookin' forward to this? 'Cause I'm not."

"No one is forcing you to go."

"I'm forcing me. I already told you, this somethin' I gotta do."

"I know you feel that way, but think of your family. Think of your son and think of me… think of yourself! Don't you value your life at all?"

In a raised voice, Rocky replied, "Don't you? Why are you doing this to me now, Adrian? Huh? You know I fight lousy without you. I need you!"

"I need you, too!" she cried. "And the thought of losing you is killing me."

Adrian covered her face with her hands as though she were trying to push the tears back into her eyes. Rocky stood feeling helpless knowing the only way to make her feel better would be by staying home.

"Don't cry… you're not gonna lose me."

"You can't be sure of that."

Taking her hands again, he said, "Yes I can. I ain't promisin' I won't get hurt none. That I can guarantee you. But no matter how many broken bones or bruises I got, I'm comin' home."

"Is it worth the risk? You're going to hurt either way. Why disfigure yourself?"

"I'm not Apollo, okay? I know what I'm getting into – he didn't. I've seen how strong Drago is. I'm gonna train longer and harder. This ain't a joke to me."

Hearing him choke on his last words, Adrian hugged him.

"…I told him to postpone the fight, Adrian. I did."

Adrian opted for silence again. She hadn't known this and wondered why he didn't mention it before. Normally he told her everything. Why was Drago prompting him to keep his thoughts to himself?

"Please come with me," he mumbled into her hair.

She shook her head. "I love you, Rocky… but this is one fight I can't watch."

Letting out a long breath, Rocky gave her a light pat on the back as he stepped away. "I gotta go. I already said goodbye to the kid."

The hurt in his eyes made Adrian retake her stance of looking at the floor. "I'm sorry."

With a single nod, Rocky leaned in and kissed her cheek. "I guess I'll see you when I get back then."

He started walking to the stairs, only to stop when he realized Adrian wasn't behind him. "Aren't you coming to the car?" he asked.

Adrian, having not moved from her same spot, once again shook her head.

Rocky looked at her from the other end of the hall for a few moments. Then, admitting defeat, he disappeared down the stairs.

All Adrian wanted now was a cup of tea while curling up in her chair again. Seeing as tea required passing Rocky through the entry way to the house, it would have to wait.

Her destination was the chair, however, instead found herself looking out the window. The library overlooked the driveway, so she could see Rocky loading the last of his luggage into the trunk of the car. Why she watched, she wasn't entirely sure. A knot formed in her stomach when he looked up at her. He knew she was watching and knew all along she would. Neither of them waved before Rocky went inside the car and drove away. What else was there to say?


	2. Sleepless Night

No matter how hard she tried, sleep wasn't coming to Adrian. She missed Rocky. It wasn't as though she'd spent the night away from Rocky before, or vice-versa. But he wouldn't be gone for a simple night or a week. She likely wouldn't see him until after the first of the year. If he wasn't brutalized to death, he would require some weeks to recover.

He would be away for Christmas. Instead of being shaken awake at six o'clock in the morning by Rocky and Robert, she and the kid would sit in front of the television set to watch a member of their family being pounded. Truth be told, she hoped Jr. would sleep through the whole thing. He'd seen his father get beat up before, but never by an opponent this vicious. Not even Thunderlips or Clubber Lang. Adrian shuddered at the thought of those men. Witnessing both of those fights in person took at least ten years off her life. At least Drago wouldn't throw Rocky out of the ring. Then again, being tossed around was a lot less dangerous than a towering man with a mean fist. Remorse didn't appear to be one of his attributes, either. Overall, Drago was a mysterious man of few words and no emotion. For all Adrian knew, he was out to kill Rocky on purpose.

Her turn of thoughts ensured more tossing and turning should she climb back into bed. The clock read 2:30 A.M., give or take a few minutes. Moving over to her vanity, she reached into the back of the bottom drawer and took out her glasses. She couldn't remember the last time she'd worn them. The frames she had now were a bit more modern than the cat-eye ones she used to wear. Sometimes she missed hiding behind those lenses. People saw the awkward looking girl rather than the fear. Living back in the old neighborhood with Paulie were times of great uncertainty. Day to day she wondered what each moment would bring. Did Paulie make it home last night? Would he get a call saying he was fired? Was he going to yell and scream at her? What for? The only stability was her job. Even then, there were questions of customers and which animals she'd have to say goodbye to. Dealing with customers was the worst. Not only because of her shyness, but also some people mistreated the poor little creatures before they stepped foot outside the door. By the time she left the job she'd lost count of how many children shook their new pet fish until it went belly up.

Those fears looked minor now. With time she learned how to put up with her brother's abuse and learned to hand the bagged fish to the parents with a note of warning taped to the front. How can one prepare for the possibility of losing their best friend, love, and universe? It wasn't possible. Even when the person is sick and given a specific time left, you never know what'll hit you until it happens. Adrian would never forget the look on Mary-Ann's face as she watched Apollo hit the mat. Or worse, when she tried pushing through the crowd and camera unable to reach her husband while the rest of the world watched him die. Adrian wouldn't forget her attempts to comfort the other woman as doctors tried bringing Apollo back – a lost cause from the start. Knowing all of this brought on more angst than preparation. Part of her envied Mary-Ann's ignorance. She'd gone to the arena that night well aware of the injuries to come. Adrian, too, was accustomed to this routine. As unpleasant as the blood and worry were, at least she knew by the end of the day everything would be okay.

Rocky, like Apollo, could be real stubborn. Whenever anyone begged him to throw in the towel he flat out refused. Drago would make this stubbornness more powerful. All of these reasons and more led Adrian to her decision to stay home. She wasn't sure if Rocky believed her pleas about his health. After so many arguments and discussions about retiring in the past, he mustn't be thinking this fight any different. In his present frame of mind, he couldn't see that he'd been lucky so many times already. As Mickey used to say to Rocky, his fights with Apollo should have killed him. It only takes one stroke of bad luck to destroy a man.

Realizing how long she'd stood staring at a pair of glasses, Adrian finally put them on to move downstairs to the den. Hopefully, she thought, putting TV would help lull her to sleep. Why is it when someone is missing from the house everything becomes darker than usual? More creaks and bumps sounded than she normally would notice. Before going downstairs she looked in on Robert. Fast asleep and peaceful… Adrian smiled. Thank God he didn't have the same knowledge as her. He knew what happened to Apollo, but not in great detail. After shutting the door most of the way, she continued to the den.

Once sitting in this large room, Adrian realized the emptiness of the house. She and Robert were the only ones at home. When Rocky had gone away in the past, there'd been at least one other adult around as well. Mickey, Paulie, or sometimes Robert's nanny. Sincere loneliness fell over her. A loneliness more significant than the plain absence of her husband. Taking care of Robert would be the easy part as well as the silver lining. She didn't want him without his family over Christmas, nor for such a long period of time. School recently started up again, so it was good to be here to see if all was going well. There wasn't any reason to think otherwise, but as a mother, it was a natural worry. Perceptions of time were fascinating. With Robert, it felt like the days of diapers and middle of the night feedings were a short while back. Whereas looking ahead at the next several weeks felt like looking on to the next couple years.

Adrian leaned her head back on the sofa. Best not allow herself to keep thinking negative thoughts, she decided. Closing her eyes, she started thinking more about her son and husband and happier times. When Rocky came home, the days of boxing would be over. And he **would** come home, she had to tell herself – no matter how much she did or didn't believe it.


	3. A Friend

"Mom?"

"Yes?"

"You made me the wrong sandwich."

Adrian turned off the kitchen faucet and looked down at Robert. "I did? What did I make?"

Tongue stuck out, he answered, "Tuna fish."

"Oh… are you sure?"

"I can smell it," Robert said with his face in a grimace. "Can you make a peanut butter one?"

"I don't think there's time," Adrian said, glancing at her watch. "You'll have to buy your lunch at school. The bus will be here in a minute."

"Again?"

Adrian sighed. "I'm sorry, sweetheart. I know my mind has been other places lately. I don't mean to take it out on you."

"Are you still thinking about Dad?" Robert asked.

"I miss him, that's all. Don't you miss him as well?"

"Yeah, but I still remember that I hate tuna."

Adrian had to laugh. Time like this she could see Rocky's sense of humor shining through their son. If this was a good or bad thing she hadn't decided.

"If you kiss him so much," Robert continued, "why don't we go see him?"

"It's more complicated than you're thinking."

The school bus horn sounded seconds later. Robert shrugged, accepting his mother's answer.

Adrian stood at the kitchen window and watched until the bus drove away. She hated this feeling of relief when Robert was at school. Was she so depressed that she didn't want to be around her child? Depressed didn't feel like the right term. Preoccupied was closer. Unfortunately, the preoccupation wasn't happy. The last thing she wanted to do was subject Robert to her moods. On some level, she thought he might be understanding. It seemed as though he'd been on his best behavior. He hadn't even asked for friends to come over. Instead, he went to their houses. Adrian took a deep breath. Maybe she should sit down with him tonight and apologize. It wasn't right for him to be worrying about her. It was supposed to be the other way around.

Better yet, they could use a fun night out. Robert had been asking Rocky all through summer break to go bowling. Helping Apollo train made finding time near impossible. After the fight, Robert stopped asking. Yes, a night at the bowling alley would do them both some good. Fun was needed. Since Rocky left, the household fell into a day after day routine. Even weekends became mundane.

Adrian surprised Robert by picking him up from school. After his initial concern that something was wrong, he was happy to know he wasn't on his way home to do his weekend homework. For an early dinner, they went to their favorite pizza parlor and then down the street for ice cream. For the first time in a while, Adrian found herself able to live in the present moment.

Night came. Even though she managed a few hours of laughs and distractions, as soon as Robert went to sleep, Adrian was once again aware of the emptiness of the house. She might have even settled for Paulie to come home at this point. At least then she would have a project. Her biggest wish tonight was for someone to talk to. Someone who could tell her whether or not she was making the right decision. It occurred to her how few friends she had. She spoke to the mothers of Robert's friends, joining them for coffee on occasion. She and the neighbors were friendly, but not quite friends. Her closest friend outside the family had to be Gloria back at the pet shop. Even then she wasn't close enough to call her up and talk about this. Rocky's schedule didn't leave room for friendships. Most of the time it didn't bother her. She didn't notice. Rocky's world was her world.

Rocky's world with her world… and she chose to stay behind. Suddenly she flashed on the days before she and Rocky were together. Those days and nights he came to visit her at work. Normally, he would tell jokes, but sometimes he talked about boxing. He never thought she was paying attention, but she was. She heard about his losses and victories. Back then he spoke of fights with indifference. Win or lose his expression remain the same. Over the years, he came to care. True, his hunger to win turned to ego at times. With Drago, it was hunger mixed with hurt and anger. Safer than ego, perhaps, but dangerous nonetheless.

What caused indifference to turn into passion? The fights with Apollo? The responsibility of a family? Pride? Whichever it was, she knew he needed her support. He said as much on many occasions. A lot of times she wondered if he said those things for her sake. It was hard to believe she could have that kind of influence on someone's life, especially someone as tough as Rocky. Then were the times she knew and could see the difference she made.

The doorbell rang, pulling Adrian out of her thoughts. Glancing at the clock on the nightstand she wondered who would be coming to visit after 9 o'clock. After looking out the window and failing to see who was standing at the door, she threw on her robe and went downstairs. Once approaching the door, she called, "Who is it?"

"It's Mary-Ann."

Adrian opened the door. "What a nice surprise," she greeted with a smile. "I do wish I'd known you were coming, though. Let me run upstairs and change. I'll be right back."

"Wait," Mary-Ann said, "don't bother. I only came to talk to you for a minute."

Growing concerned, Adrian, stepping aside to let Mary-Ann inside, asked, "What's up? Would you like a cup of coffee?"

"No, thank you," she said. "I want to talk to you about Rocky."

"What's wrong? Has something happened to him? Did you hear something?"

Holding up her hand, Mary-Ann shook her head. "Nothing is wrong."

"Oh, good," Adrian breeze. "I'm sorry. I've been a bit on edge since he left."

"I don't blame you. That's why I came to talk to you. Can I ask you something?"

Adrian nodded.

"Why didn't you go with him?"

Adrian stared at Mary-Ann, not wanting to answer. She didn't want to mention Apollo to her.

"Adrian?" Mary-Ann said when she failed to respond.

"It's complicated," Adrian settled with saying.

"Believe me, I know how you feel. I was terrified when I heard Apollo was going through with the fight."

At least she hadn't been the one to bring him up, Adrian thought.

Mary-Ann continued. "I did everything I could to talk him out of this match. Everything. These men," she said, "do what they want in the end. It can't be helped."

Adrian knew well what she spoke of.

"You should be with him now," she finished.

Adrian shook her head. "I can't watch him. I can't be around him knowing what the end result might be."

"Don't go by Apollo. He wasn't in good enough shape and took it all too lightly. I've seen Rocky fight, and I know he can be just as dangerous as Drago when he wants to be."

Little comfort came from the statement. "Even if that's true, I know the damage will be permanent this time."

"Then isn't it better to be with him now while he is well?"

Looking to the floor, Adrian fumbled with the belt on her robe, so he serving as an excuse to hide her acknowledgment that Mary-Ann was right.

"I didn't come to upset you, Adrian. I planned to keep out of it. The matter is between you and Rocky. But, I couldn't live with myself knowing I hadn't reached out if, God forbid, something does happen."

After taking a few moments to collect her thoughts, Adrian looked up again. "Do you really think I should go?"

"Have you thought of anything else since he left?"

"…No."

Mary-Ann gave us sympathetic smile. "It will mean a lot to him."

"But what about Robert? I hate to leave him, and for so long, and over Christmas."

"I know how hard that can be, too."

With a small smile of her own, Adrian said, "Thank you. Your coming by means a lot." And it did. Funny how she heard the door just as she was wishing for a shoulder to lean on. She did consider Mary-Ann a friend, but she never imagined going to her given the circumstances.

"So, you're going to Russia?"

Adrian nodded, "Yeah, I think I am. I miss him so much, and I feel bad about how we left things." Realizing what she'd said, she blushed.

Catching her embarrassment, Mary-Ann tipped her head, signaling it was okay. "Be safe… both of you."


	4. No Matter What

The flight to Russia was anything but a short one. Saying goodbye to Robert was even more of a challenge. He said he understood, but Adrian could see his sadness. Before, when he told her to go, he hadn't realized it would have to be without him.

Adrian tried her hardest to sleep through the journey, but rest wasn't coming. Sometimes she found herself watching the hands on her watch go around and around. In her mind, she insisted watching made the time pass faster. In actuality, it prolonged the feeling.

No one knew she was coming. Not Rocky, not Paulie, and not Duke. There was no way to contact them. Getting a card to that address Rocky left her proved to be another challenge. Her last name carried little weight. Hours passed before she was humored and taken to the farm. She kept telling herself the fuss was worthwhile.

Duke was surprised to see Adrian walk through the door. Paulie, not so much.

"What took ya' so long?" were his first words. Without batting an eye, he went back to his card game.

Adrian ignored him. "Where's Rocky?"

"Training," Duke answered. "Did he know you were coming?"

Shaking her head, she asked, "When will he be back?"

"Not due back for at least an hour. You must be tired, though." He started to get up from his seat. "I'll show you to his room."

"I'm all right," she said. "I'll wait for him here."

Settling herself at the window, coat, boots, and all, she watched. Duke told her she would be able to see Rocky coming up the walk from there. Yet again, she played the waiting game. This time she didn't look at her watch. If she did, she would be reminded of how long it had been since the last time she slept. Going up to bed was tempting but would have been pointless until she saw Rocky.

As Duke predicted, Rocky came up to the house around an hour later. Adrian leaped out of her seat and went to the door. She paused before opening it. Until now, she hadn't considered what his reaction to her arrival might be. The thought was fleeting, though. Her desire to see him reigned over any other emotion. Stepping out on the porch, she waited for Rocky to see her.

It didn't take him long. Stopping in his tracks, he blinked a few times to make sure he was seeing correctly. He took slow steps toward her as she climbed down the stairs.

They stopped with a few feet of space between each other. A wave of emotion came over Adrian as she stared at her husband. She couldn't recall a time when she'd seen him with a beard beyond five o'clock shadow. But even this wasn't as far as full as his eyes filled with disbelief.

Through a lump in her throat, Adrian said, "I couldn't stay away anymore… I missed you."

"I missed you," Rocky replied with a slight nod of his head.

The next words out of her mouth were the hardest. "I'm with you… no matter what."

"No matter what?" Rocky asked, his voice unsteady.

"No matter what."

No longer able to keep a distance, they walked into each other's arms, Adrian no longer able to control her tears. Rocky kissed her and held her head close to his, trying to convince himself this was real and that she was really here with him.

"I love you," he whispered.

"And I love you."

"You promise you'll be by the ring?"

"I promise," she sniffed.

Rocky ran his gloves over her damp cheeks, then reached for her hood and pulled it up. "You'll catch a cold," he said. "This place makes a Philadelphia winter look like the tropics."

Adrian laughed, which ultimately led to more tears. How she missed this – being with him, hearing his voice, listening to silly jokes. In this moment, she knew she has made the right decision. No matter what happened, it would be the two of them, always.

 **The End.**


End file.
